CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet, an online survey firm, is asking Health Data Management readers to respond to the following survey. Responses will not be confidential and will be used for blackmail, retribution, and other business and marketing purposes. The survey takes about two hours to complete.

 

Question 1: What is your job title?

a)    Current Illuminari Officer

b)    It’s on my business card, in my other suit.

c)    People just call me “Chief.”

d)    I have many titles, I answer to many names, I’m a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

 

Question 2: What will happen to your I.T. budget this fiscal year?

a)    Increase dramatically, if this bank heist goes as planned.

b)    Stay the same, all our applications are running perfectly and our executives, physicians and nurses applaud when I walk down the hallway. I turned down all offers of capital dollars. I even turned down a raise!

c)    What budget? Did I miss that meeting again?

d)    Next question.

 

Question 3: Who do you report to?

a)    The CEO. Well, her secretary, actually.

b)    God. Some angry little Greek god.

c)    I report directly to our CFO. But I just sent him our consultant’s bill for interface work and he said he was going to kill me. So now I’m reporting to the police while hiding in this closet.

d)    Ummm … President Obama? Someone at CMS?

 

Question 4: What kinds of demonstrable clinical and financial benefits have you achieved from your EHR implementation?

a)    Well, we got to spend time with a lot of really nice young kids on our vendor’s implementation team.

b)    We went to from Stage 1 to Stage 3 on the HIMSS Analytics EMR Adoption Model. And we only spent $50 million to do it!

c)     We were featured on the local news, and my kids got to see me on TV. So that was cool.

d)    Is this a trick question?

 

Question 5: How do you explain the intricacies of health care information technology to executives at your organization?

a)    I got this great deck of flash cards ….

b)    I provide detailed explanations of how our I.T. infrastructure is supporting our corporate mission of being an I.T. trailblazer and providing next-generation care tools to our clinical staff. Then I wake everyone up by blasting my air horn.

c)    I tell them that putting in an EHR, CPOE system, PACS, blah blah blah is no problem, simple as pie. I could do it myself over the weekend if I didn’t have to take down the storm windows. You know, I really shouldn’t have downed that bottle of tequila before this meeting.

 

Question 6: What kind of information can Health Data Management and other industry publications provide to support you in your role as an I.T. decision-maker?

a)    Pornography, more pornography.

b)    I need the psychiatric evaluations of the federal officials who think we can simultaneously implement an EHR, transition to ICD-10, increase consumer services, enhance patient safety and improve data security/privacy while reporting a couple hundred new quality measures. I also need their addresses.

c)    I need the name of a good lawyer … someone just stole my laptop, and I had the names, birthdates and Social Security numbers of 2 million patients loaded on it.

d)    I need information on how to make sense of it all.

e)    All of the above.

 

Question 7: What is the most challenging aspect of your job?

a)    Getting out of bed in the morning.

b)    Explaining to our board or directors why we don’t use flashy lights and cool ringtones in our EHR application.

c)    Having lunch with Fred. Man, I can’t stand that guy.

d)    Not tripping over those T1 lines we ran across the floor in the ICU.

e)     All of the above.

 

Question 8: What is the most rewarding part of your job?

a)    I love sitting in this new chair, it’s got great lower back support.

b)    There’s nothing like seeing the smile on a doctor’s face when he realizes clinical I.T. will save him time, improve his decision-making and make it simpler and faster to provide the highest quality care. Well, I’m told there’s nothing like it, I’ve never actually had that experience.

c)    The pleasure of wielding absolute, unbridled power.

 

 

 

 

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